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“A key leadership competency for the 21st Century” You may think that effective communication is easy - as long as you carefully present your thoughts to the other person or people and listen to their replies. As long as you respect and at least entertain their feedback or suggestions, you may think that effective communication has occurred. You could be dead wrong. Effective communication just isn't that easy. However, effective communication is probably the single most important factor in making any communication successful.
Henry Barbey, Co-Creator
www.StrategicConversations.com Published by: The New York Center for Coaching, Inc. 2006
Table of Contents
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Section II: - The Strategic Conversations™ Process – The 5 Key Principles
Each key of the Strategic Conversations process contains a breakdown of component parts and application for ease of use. Once the Strategic Conversations practitioner becomes comfortable with the process, more creative application becomes possible.
As with all new skill development, there is a process to competency. The goal for you as a new practitioner is to get to a point where you are “unconsciously competent,” meaning you do not have to think out the process step-by-step, rather the communication steps flow naturally and effortlessly.
In this age of mobile phones, Blackberrys and Nextel pagers, there are endless ways to be distracted. By allowing these devices to either ring or vibrate during a meeting, there will be a break in the flow of the conversation.
When having a strategic conversation, allow your attention to be fully engaged. It sends a powerful message about your interest in the relationship Click here for further insights into Demonstrating Interest..
The truth is, most of the time the message being received is only partially correct. In order to have a strategic conversation, all parties to the conversation must be clear. Click here for examples of clarification strategies.
The 5 Key Principles of Strategic Conversations™ are:
1. Set the context for the interaction:
In order for a conversation to be “strategic,” the stage must to be set with certain understanding and agreement. This process is a critical first step for it clarifies the objective and creates an atmosphere where trust can be built. Click here for additional elements of setting the content for a strategic conversation.
2. Demonstrate Interest:
During the time of your interaction with another person, be there! This means giving your full attention to the person and demonstrating interest. This involves many factors, such as eye contact, welcoming body language, active listening and uninterrupted attention. Demonstrating these are actually quite simple, but they are not easy to consistently do. there are numerous distractions in public settings as well as our tendencies to think other thoughts while someone is speaking to us.
3. Feedback for clarification:
"I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." Lewis Carroll in Alice in Wonderland. In its normal state, interpersonal communication is actually more often misinterpretation. All parties to the conversation believe they are being clear in what they are conveying, and the receivers think they are getting the message.
4. Show Appreciation:
The ending of a conversation is an important event in and of itself. All too often, a conversation ends too abruptly leaving one or more of the participants feeling awkward or uncomfortable. Then, the uncomfortable feeling is the last memory with which the participant is left. The act of showing appreciation is an effective gateway to transitioning to the close of a conversation and summing up the value of the interaction. For more about the power and art of showing appreciation, click here .
5. Extend yourself:
This element opens the door for a future interaction of this type of communication. It can invite a closer relationship, if desired, or simply establish a connection. Modeling this type of behavior will encourage others to behave in a similar manner, leading to clearer, more accurate strategic conversations. Click here for tips on how to extend yourself in ways that will positively impact your communications.
Section III - Application: The Five Environments
The five environments and their
subsequent skill sets provide the key to producing consistent results
with Strategic Conversations. Each situation in which humans
interact presents unique circumstances that call for creativity
and flexibility. We need the ability to adjust to changing circumstances
and emotions. We also need the ability to be natural and spontaneous
in our interactions.
The five environments provides the tools and strategy to cope with different contexts and personalities. Now, you have a system you can rely on to consistently achieve the results you desire.
The five environments are (for more extensive information, click on the underlined phrase):
Business Group Meetings – Ongoing professional interactions that are centered around business objectives and priorities. Our Strategic Conversations Group is a self-selected peer group that meets on a regular basis to address business issues. Examples of these types of meetings are:
- Groups of business owners
- Members of corporate teams
- Special Interest Groups
Management Strategic Conversations – Conversations in an organizational setting focused upon professional goals and responsibilities. Examples of these would be:
- Strategic planning
- Team building
- Department meetings
Sensitive Conversations – to prevent conflict, hurt feelings, and mixed messages. Examples of these would be:
- Between the sexes – keeping it just business
- Workplace conflict prevention
- Discussions around mutual expectations
Important Relationships ; when the other person is important to you. For example:
- Important Friendships
- Mentoring Relationships
- Intimate Relationships
Conversations on the fly – taking place as we plow along through our daily lives.
- At a networking event, trade association meeting, or ball game
- Chance meetings on a plane, train or bus
- At the diner, the company cafeteria, your local pub
Section IV - The Skill Building Process
Becoming an effective communicator requires knowledge and practice. At Strategic Conversations, we offer programs and services to grow your interpersonal communication muscles. Human communication is both simple and complex.
It's simple in that once you understand the basics, you can dramatically alter your experience.
It's complex in that
there are many factors that influence the communication process
such as personality dynamics and history, environment, and time.
We are creating specific modules and practice groups to address
these important issues.
Section V – Participate at Your Own Pace
Strategic Conversations™, is designed to support your developing interpersonal skill needs through education, dialogue and practice groups. Our program includes regular conference calls with thought leaders in the field of interpersonal dynamics and behavioral science.
You can attend any and all conference calls that interest you. There is no obligation or requirement. We want to be your one-stop-shop for interpersonal skill development.
You will be invited to all our conference call sessions with thought leaders and any other public forum discussions. You will also receive our Strategic Conversations newsletter which features tips and success stories on the application of the Strategic Conversations principles.
Our goal is to inspire you to continue to develop your most important
ability; the ability to communicate effectively with others. This
ability affects virtually every aspect of your life; from business
to family to friendship to chance meetings. This skill set is like
a muscle that needs to be exercised regularly, or else it withers.
Our program will offer you the ability to exercise, expand and challenge
your most important life tool, on a regular basis. Merely focusing on this subject on a regular basis will serve to heighten your awareness.
We look forward to meeting you on an upcoming call!
Business Group Meetings: (extended)
For centuries, trade associations and professional societies have offered, as a core benefit of membership, a connection between peers that facilitates learning from the mistakes and successes of peers.
Napoleon Hill coined the concept of the mastermind alliance in his classic book "Think and Grow Rich". He believed that a group of like-minded, achievement-oriented individuals could dramatically leverage each other's success. The mastermind concept has proven itself over time as a valuable resource for people of every profession.
Books have been written about how Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, et al participated in these small peer group discussions. In fact it seems that every notable achiever did so at least in part with the help of others - people who met regularly to share experiences confidentially and without judgment.
We have taken the process to the next level by harnessing technology that allows you to connect with peers. We have also assembled a cadre of facilitators whose collective experience of over 100 years of personal and organization effectiveness enabled us to develop a group structure that delivers real value that will impact both you and your bottom line!
These formal, structured, and facilitated Strategic Conversations groups will help you:
- Eliminate the isolation which results in actions based on assumptions untested by peers whose experiences and insights are superior to yours.
- Offer new perspectives from peers who have “been there done that.” Often it’s not what you don’t know that causes problems, but what you know for sure – that turns out to be wrong. As long as we continue to see things the way we’ve always seen them – we’ll never get beyond what already is.
- Provide vertical and horizontal mentoring, an experience exchange where an atmosphere of sharing results in each person learning from and contributing to the learning of the others. No one has the time or the money to make all the mistakes required before we achieve our goals. This experience exchange allows us to benefit from the experiences of others.
When you add a member of the Center for Coaching to the equation, your group’s effectiveness- based on what’s already working for someone in the group, rises to a whole new level.
If you are considering the formal Strategic Conversations group
process, we will work with you to select just the right individuals
for your group - based on our experience and your criteria.
We’ll address the three key challenges to help you that must be faced in order for your group to be productive, offer actionable relevant input for each member, and be sustainable over the long haul – offering a measurable return on the investment of your time and resources.
There is no cost or obligation for an exploratory discussion. Please
use the email address or phone number listed in the Contact Us section
of the website to arrange a time we can have a conversation together.
Management Strategic Conversations: (extended)
Organizations thrive when there is an open exchange of information, enabling the full creative resources of the organization to flow. Business challenges, operational frustrations, and uncomfortable professional relationships limit an organization's ability to operate efficiently and effectively, reducing productivity.
Strategic Conversations strategy is tailor-made for the corporate or organizational setting. In environments where clarity, understanding and trust make the difference between an effective organization and one that is encumbered by misunderstanding and mistrust, the Strategic Conversations process can be of invaluable help.
Specifically, the Strategic Conversations process guides all interactions at team or one-on one meetings. Context and ground rules are set, establishing an understanding for information exchange and discussion. In many companies, the poor execution of meetings actually wastes precious time. Not anymore! Armed with the Strategic Conversations process, meetings and information exchange can be enriching and productive.
In situations where there is conflict or "coldness" forming between persons, the Strategic Conversations process can accelerate the resolution of the problem through targeting the core issue and setting the stage for open and honest discussion.
The process can be applied to eliminating power plays and coercion based on rank; setting the stage for communication that will benefit the organization and the team or department.
When the process is facilitated by a member of the Center for Coaching, we handle the details, the personalities, and set the ground rules that redirect otherwise non-productive energies.
Sensitive Conversations: (extended)
Sixty-five percent of all voluntary resignations at organizations are the result of unresolved conflict. And ,in many cases, the conflict is too "unimportant" to mention yet it builds and builds added to daily, with additional tiny misunderstandings, mixed messages, and unclear expectations.
Over one-half of all marriages in North America end in divorce, and in the vast percentage of cases when remarriages occur; the new spouse is dramatically similar to the first one. It has been demonstrated that when communication takes place using the Strategic Conversations process as a framework, the focus becomes the issues not the individuals. People are able to communicate productively, perhaps for the first time.
Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, mistrust, fear, anger, resentment ,and embarrassment are all examples of negative reactions that can create a divide between people. Once a divide occurs, there is a halt of open communication. This divide can take the form of a blatant hostility, or a cold distancing. When you are in it, it can feel draining to keep up the guard of protection.
The Strategic Conversations process enables individuals in difficult situations to begin the process of healing through open and honest exchange in a format agreed by both parties.
Important Relationships (extended)
The value of a relationship lies in its level of trust and intimacy. Our most endearing relationships are those that possess commitment and enriching stimulation.
As relationships grow and develop, there is greater need for communication tools to manage the deepening commitment. Misunderstanding, hurt feelings and resentment will occur, that is a given, so it becomes progressively more important to possess the tools to manage these important relationships.
Strategic Conversations provide the tools to develop rewarding and trusting long-term relationships. It will change the way you interact with the people you care about. How they see you and the relationship will also change. Regardless of what might occur, you will have powerful tools to meet the situation.
Conversations on the fly (extended)
Have you ever met someone in a chance encounter, and, feeling unprepared and surprised, felt you lost an opportunity to connect with this person? Or, you meet someone at an airport or a restaurant, someone who you feel good about, and you feel uncertain how to begin continue or end a conversation with. Strategic Conversations™ will provide a clear framework to address these types of chance encounters. You will learn how to establish a context and set the stage for a conversation. You will also possess the skills to communicate in a way that stands out as appealing to the person you are speaking with.
Set the context for the interaction (Extended)
Setting up the context is about creating clarity and boundaries for the interaction. It is a process of establishing goals and agreement for an interaction. Here are some examples of setting the context:
“I would like to speak with you about networking. I am interested in hearing your thoughts on the topic and any wisdom you may have to impart. Would you have 10 minutes to discuss networking with me?"
“I have noticed that there seems to be a distance between us when we have interacted recently. I am concerned about this. Would you have some time this afternoon to talk with me?”
Demonstrate Interest
The elements of demonstrating interest consist of many components: good eye contact; welcoming body language; facial expressions; acknowledging gestures; active listening; being present.
Research has documented that only about 7% of the messages received in communication are actually the words spoken. It is the non-verbal impression we receive from another person that communicates volumes to us. Your facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and attention are critical factors.
Demonstrating interest is a deliberate act. It is making in conscious decision to be present and active in the conversation. It is also becoming aware of habit patterns that may take away from the communication.
We are not asking for perfection here, simply to strive for awareness so that you have the choice to behave mor effectively. For example, if I become aware that I look up every time a new person enters a public room, I will be able to resist that "knee jerk" tendency and choose to remain focused on the communication.
We have all experienced it: we are speaking with someone when he or she suddenly looks away from us at someone else. Soon, we turn to see what he or she is looking at. This is not sending the right message for a relationship. Being focused and present with another person will make deposits into the emotional bank account of the relationship.
Resist all distractions and be present and watch how it comes across to another person.
Feedback for clarification:
It is fascinating how often we miss the message
in communication. What we receive and interpret is often different
from what the communicator intended for us to hear. The feedback
loop is the solution to this issue. Feedback involves sharing your
interpretation of the message for verification. A few examples for
feedback statements might be:
“ What I hear you saying is ……. Am I correct?"
“So, you are saying that………….."
“ Let me feed back to you what I heard to make sure we are in sync on the message. You are saying that……………."
Show Appreciation:
This key relates to the human dimension of an interaction:
the emotions. All persons want to feel valued and appreciated. It
has been said the emotions play the largest role in a sale of a product or service. If a
person “feels” good about a person or product, they
are more likely to buy. The purpose of this key is to make an emotional
deposit into the "Bank Account" of the relationship. A simple statement is all it takes
to make someone feel appreciated and valued. For example:
“ I want to thank you for your time and thoughts on this topic.
You have enriched my thinking on this matter.”
Thanks for your ideas on this, it has been helpful.”
Extend Yourself:
This key is one that sets the stage for the future. It is an
invitation for further interactions of mutual benefit, if that is
desired. If you are not interested in continuing the relationship,
it is best to not promise anything and simply say good-bye in a courteous
manner.Extending yourself statements can be as simple as:
“ Here is my card, if I can be of further assistance to you please don’t hesitate to contact me.”
“ I would like to do this again in the not too distant future; this has been great! Let’s stay connected!”
“Let’s do this again!”
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